A Prayer to the Lunar Eclipse

new-moon-1

I had forgotten about you.

But you were always there.

Still,

a speck of something that never

went away.

Maybe I forgot

about you

because I was too afraid

to face the darkness that still lingered

behind my closed door.

You don’t serve me though.

You don’t make my days full

or wondrous.

And so,

upon this time

where the Moon’s bright face

is shadowed,

I ask for the strength

to let you go.

To move through

to a new place,

a wilder, freer place.

Even as the black falls across

the White Orb as full as can be,

the constant

guiding light of our Mother’s Nighttime Face

is ever there.

Bright One, Shadowed One

who asks that I look deep,

bless upon me

the Truth,

the Magick,

the Power.

I am ready to face you,

to see you for what you are,

to let you pass through

me.

Sweet Moon,

I heed your message.

I face the closet door,

and I see the Shadow,

and I am One Light

too strong to be diminished.

Blessed Be.

What Do I See Through Eyes As Pale As Snow?

what do I see through eyes as pale as snowWhat Do I See Through Eyes As Pale As Snow?

Glimmers of line and angle,

Contrast of curve and bow.

Crunchy stars that dance in place.

Empty houses where walls

only meet other walls.

 

Tangible ghosts speak

without curtains to reveal them.

Solid escapes made of absence,

of void.

Vast, tiny worlds of flapping cloth.

Fuzzy lives of mirrored selves.

 

Cracks in the plain

howl voiceless nothings.

Muffled synapses speak

in bursting deaths.

 

Depressed keys hold

for release, for ending.

In waves of echo

still surfaces reveal saints.

In slippery illusion

blank faces reveal

You.

Exhale

exhale sunrise never give up keep fightingI want to preface this by saying this was hard. I didn’t just bounce through this unscathed and I’m still not totally okay. I’m really not.

But…

I’m not finished either.

If you want to see my other post, my initial reactions and my grief, check out To Mourn The Death of Self. It’s darker so be prepared.

 

Now however is the time for next steps. I’m sure there’s something in your life you can relate this to. Like falling down hard, like blood and scarring hard. Breaking up with the love of your life because they let you down. We’re heartbroken. We’re crushed. We’re beaten. We’ve definitely lost.

So what next?

Well we can roll over and die off just like they want us to or we can continue to be a great big thorn in their sides and fight back.

It will certainly stay bad and get worse if we do nothing. That’s a guarantee. It will be horrible, bad things will probably happen a lot, but they’ll happen a lot more if we stay silent.

We’ve all shown that we don’t want to be silenced anymore. We want, no demand for own voices to be heard. So speak up. Speak out. Be loud.

Don’t hide like they want you to. Don’t be quite because your voice upsets them. Don’t be swept under the rug.

We can get through this. It’s going suck, so bad, but we can and will make it through.

And at the very least, let’s not make this easy for them. Let’s put up a fight, a really good fight. Protest, sign petitions, speak up in social and public situations when something is wrong.

Remember, most of us didn’t want this. We were the majority. Electoral college is broken, so let’s fix it. When we speak together as one we can change things. No, not easily and maybe not entirely but little things will get better.

And little by little, it will grow larger.

We can prepare the next generation and indeed we have. Look at the way millennials voted. Change can happen, it can.

Birth is hard, painful. And make no mistake, we are birthing a new world. I hate that there have to be intermediary steps. I think maybe what I’ve heard about Bernie, and him likely winning this, and it does sadden me. I love Bernie, in fact I caucused for him, but I feel like the reason he would have won is partly yes because he spoke a bit more for middle class families but also because he is male.

Why is voting for a woman so hard? Why?

We have to change that. So speak up for women. Act for women. Be brave for women. Be powerful for women.

And don’t forget the others who need you. Speak up for people of color. For LGBTQIA+ persons. For immigrants. For non-able bodied persons. For those with mental health issues. For anyone who is being oppressed.

SPEAK UP AND OUT.

And at the last, some quotes to get you through.

Never Give Up. Never Surrender. Don’t Give Up. Ride Out With Me. Light Can Be Found Even In The Darkest Of Times, One Just Has To Remember To Turn On The Light.

700 Word Short Story Challenge: Joanne

empty house short story horrorI was challenged to write a 700-word story. This is by no means an easy task for me. I am a long winded mf. However, this time I was able to do it. Now whether or not it is good? Well, you be the judge. The starting line was provided as, When a man takes lunch to his wife’s office, he’s told that she hasn’t worked there in weeks…

“How’s that possible. She walked in yesterday?”
“Sorry sir. That’s just not possible. You’re going to have to leave.” The woman had her finger on the phone, security was a push away.
“Okay. Yeah. I’ll go.”
Henry left the building, steaming bag of China Night in his hand. As he passed the trash he chucked the Cashew Chicken. He walked, shaking his head and furrowing his brow, to the Brown line and hopped on. He rode the 20 minutes to his stop, absolutely racking his brain.
How could that be “not possible.” He literally just saw her there yesterday and this morning he had kissed her on her way out. The stupid woman at the desk must have been new. She obviously heard him wrong.
The biting air felt cold and stinging to his eyes, so he was glad when he opened up the door to his small apartment and slunk inside.
Joanne was at the counter in front of the window.
“Hey. What are you doing here? You’re supposed to be at work. The lady there, well your receptionist is an idiot.”
“Oh, yeah,” She slowly turned around and looked tired, “Sorry, I just couldn’t do it anymore.”
Henry’s heart fell into his stomach. She seemed so pale. He silently begged for this to not be another “attempt.”
“Honey, I know you don’t love your job but it’s important to go. We can work on finding you another one too. Please don’t just not go.”
In the glint of the light from the window, Henry almost couldn’t see his wife. He put his keys down on the stand to his right and walked up to her. Now shadow played over his eyes and Joanne’s black hair looked blacker.
“You should go. You have that lunch with Rick. You’re supposed to go. It’s Friday.” He could barely hear her voice. Leaving her alone wasn’t a good idea.
“I can’t leave you here like this.” Henry reached out but Joanne held up her hands and smiled. She always did that when she just needed a sec alone.
“It’s fine. You don’t have to worry about me. I promise.”
“You sure?”
“Sure.”

Henry sat at the table not really eating or talking to Rick. He seemed to notice.
“You okay?”
“Yeah, Joanne’s just acting strange again. I’m worried.”
Rick’s face paled. He set his silver fork down on the side of his plate, next to his mashed potatoes.
“Joanne?”
“Yeah. It’s been a long while since, well you know. And she seemed alright, but now I’m afraid she’s gonna do something.”
Rick looked like he was about to speak but he couldn’t sit there anymore. Henry got up and dropped a twenty on the table.
“Hen—”
“Sorry Rick!” Henry was already running off to catch the next train in the subway, “I just have to check on her!”
“No! You’re not…” But Rick’s voice was fading into the background din of voices and cars and birds and wind. He didn’t know what he was going to say.
Henry rushed back inside the stuffy two-bedroom. Joanne wasn’t in the kitchen. When he walked to their room she wasn’t there either. He heard water running.
Henry ran to the bathroom. As he opened the door a puff of steam escaped and blinded him momentarily. She was standing in the middle of the room, but the tub and sink were empty.
“I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry. I really regret this. Yeah, I can still regret.”
“Honey what’s going on?”
Henry’s phone rang in his pocket. He answered Rick in a cold voice.
“This isn’t a good time Rick.”
“Henry I’ve let this go on long enough. You need to talk to somebody. This isn’t right.”
“What are you talking—”
Joanne moved to stand by the tub and she looked down at it. Rick was rambling in his ear.
“Enough already Henry,” Henry turned away to keep the conversation from Joanne.
“I—”
“She’s been dead for weeks. You can’t keep doing this.”
Henry stopped. When he went to look at Joanne, she was gone.

Death Like Raindrops

Death like raindrops falls upon the Earth,

washing clean a surface of pain and degeneration.

Death like wind blows gently the waves of the ocean,

rushing toward far, yet familiar shores.

 

We will stand upon it. We will walk the pale

beaches of lost knowledge

and find again what once was laid deep

in our bones.

 

We will rest upon the foamy water line,

seaweed and life tangled in our hair.

Till we rise and walk down the horizon’s edge.

Sharp like a knife it will cut our lives apart.

Letting what should fall away

be cast down into the pool of the Creatrix.

To be made again with purpose and skill.

 

And if we find that we can balance,

on the wedge of the Great Womb’s Divide.

We will walk on to a new realm

of knowledge and communion.

 

If not,

we will teeter.

Back to the World’s Shore

and find again our chance,

our responsibility,

to cultivate our simple truths

and forget

the false anchors that fasten us.

 

Till we know again, as we always do.

That life breathes death breathes life.

The hoop of vast chaotic energy

of We.

A Full Moon Calls to Me

Rising bright and fair, it calls to me.

I must go running,

leaping into the night.

 

Wind rushing behind my heels.

Breathe life, freedom.

Power galloping through a monochrome landscape.

 

Freedom dance beneath a pale, white smile.

 

Run, breathe.

Run, breathe.

Fly.

Tagline

So as an activity for summing up a character and learning how to describe them both wholly and succinctly I was tasked with making character “taglines.” For example, Hope’s for the first part of her book before her growth as a character is “Not my fucking problem.” In doing this activity, I thought about what my own tagline would be and honestly the closest I’ve come is to is the first part of a line from Futurama. “You can’t give up hope just cuz it’s hopeless.” It’s a good sum up of how a feel. An idealist sure, but I understand there are fights I can’t win. I’m still going to fight them though. To me, that’s the point. I have to try, I have to fight the good fight, and if I end up losing or giving my life to the fight I will know that at least I can say I never gave up. So the R.E. Johnson tagline:
“You can’t give up hope just cuz it’s hopeless. Never Give Up. Never Surrender.”
Johnson out.

Women

As I began my work day today, I listened to Pandora. As I always do. Well, a new feature is the thumbprint radio station which allows you to listen to songs from all your stations which you have thumbed up. Today a song I hadn’t thought about in a while played. Bitch by Meredith Brooks.

This got the wheels in my head turning. I thought about all the things I love about women and how very different we all are. So, I thought I would share some love for my fellow women out there.

 

We are amazing.

Sometimes we are tall, sometimes short.

Thin and curvy. Straight hair, curly hair, crazy hair.

Fair skinned, olive skinned, dark skinned.

Book smart, street smart.

Athletic, introspective.

Outgoing, quiet.

Emotional, logical.

We sometimes experience lives of struggle and wanting.

Sometimes we have lives of excess and success.

We are mothers, alone and part of a unit, raising a new generation.

We are single, business women pursuing personal goals.

We are born in our bodies and we change our bodies to fit our hearts.

We love men, women, both, all, and none.

We are flawed. We are perfect.

We are amazing.

We are women.

Hear us Roar!

Sight Sensing

My eyes are brown.

Like moth wings

with awkward cream spots

floating around the center.

 

When I look close

at the edges and valleys.

I can see spires of rocky, brown landscapes.

Mountainous, spiraling curves which dip

and duck and flash

as I blink back

droplets of imperfection.

 

What would it be?

To live in my eyes.

To explore the crevices

and get lost in the black cracks

between bark-colored crags.

 

I do not know

the heart of my eyes.

I have never been there.

I see

them only from distance.

A meteor passing

by the foreign world

of my optical orbs.

 

I know what it is

to touch

a moth’s wing.

To have your hands

and fingers sullied

by the powdery, flight ash.

 

Would my eyes,

my own means to traverse the world,

also leave dust

upon woeful travelers?

Dusty remnants of unoccupied roads.

Found deep within

my moth-wing sight.

The World

My world crashed a bit. As things are returning to their proper axis, I have found that I don’t have quite as much time to just be as I would like. However, I am not complaining. After pursuing avenue after avenue for a position to support myself, I did it. I obtained a job so I can be a big kid and pay my bills. So life is great.

But…

What is happening outside of my little bubble of a world fills my soul with frustration. This blog is meant to be a place of light, love, and an escape from the darkness that surrounds us. I cannot however pretend that it is not there. What I can do is to shed some light. “Look for the helpers.” So many brave and wonderful souls are continuing to fight against this rising tide of violence and they each make this world a better place. Here’s to them.

Here’s to the helpers, the dreamers, the doers. All who are taking courageous steps forward and working to change the world. I stand proud with you. Together we can make this world a better place.

 

Restoring Faith in Humanity 2015